Finding my Footing
poetry from “salt water” by Brianna Wiest. Image by @thoughtcatalog
Radio Silence
I haven’t posted here in a bit. And on my Instagram for even longer. I’ve been busy. I moved to a different state, resumed my job search, and kept busy trying to make the new place a home. Although I could have found time to write some quick blurbs or throw a photo up, I simply felt uninspired. It’s been a strange time.
Moving Ever Forward
Retirement has long been on my mind. I thought about retiring a year ago. When I decided to do one more year, I tried my best to put myself in the best position to make the transition easier. I'm amidst that transition now and after all those thoughts and daydreams, feels a bit surreal at times. It almost feels like any other off-season. It's as if I’ll be heading back to training in just a few weeks. At the moment, I feel content about my choices, but I’m sure there will be moments where I wonder about the what ifs.
The hopeful in me wonders if I could have pulled off another year. The me that’s rooted in reality knows choosing to keep going would have been the true regret. I’m lucky. I chose to end on my own terms, and sitting here, thinking about it now, I’m happy with my choices thus far.
“I have accepted fear as part of life — specifically the fear of change... I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.”
Image by @helloimnik
The Right Habits Make All The Difference
And so, I find myself slowly working myself back into new routines. I’m finding comfort in old habits favorites like bullet journaling and cooking. Learning to change and shift in a new shared space. And trying to find my footing in this wide world outside of sport. It’s a bumpy ride, but as always, I’m learning to enjoy the journey that is life.
Not making any promises, but I’m trying my best to create more content. To take advantage of inspiration and energy as it hits. It’s easy to think I’ll constantly be motivated, but if track has taught me anything about myself (and people in general), motivation and discipline can only get you so far. Habits and routines will get you where motivation drops you off.
What’s Next for Actively Gemma?
A long break from socials and blogging can feel so awkward. Do you mention it when you come back? Do you act like nothing ever happened? I think for me, it’s all about taking the plunge. Just writing, just posting, just getting back in the swing of things. And so here I am, starting.
In my upcoming posts, I’ll be experimenting with topics and layouts. I might just do a site overhaul as I update my pages to reflect where I am currently while giving proper homage to where I was.
My hope is that this blog, website, and socials will evolve as I do. I’m excited to see where I land.
